


Feather Fee

by meetah12



Series: one soul split in twain [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Wings, this should be Crack but its really not at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25742626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetah12/pseuds/meetah12
Summary: Michael comes across a plump and greedy feathered fiend while trying to use the bathroom at Ella's place on night. This beast drives a hard bargain for entrance into her domain.
Relationships: Amenadiel/Linda Martin (Lucifer TV), Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Ella Lopez/Michael, all of these are heavily implied so there's no actual romance really
Series: one soul split in twain [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864105
Comments: 15
Kudos: 164





	Feather Fee

Michael stared into the menacing, beady eyes of the creature sitting across from him. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to blink, which was easy for Michael to accomplish given that he wasn’t human. Both of their feathers were puffed up in clear threat displays and Michael eyed the sharp talons and beak on the other being with a tiny bit of wariness. Hopefully his attachment to Ella hadn’t taken away his celestial invulnerability like Lucifer’s attachment to Chloe had for him.

“Be not afraid,” Michael said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice, “I simply require passage to the toilet.”

Margaret the Chicken let out the chicken equivalent of a laugh at him and seemed unswayed. She only glared harder at him, still as fluffed up as she had been when Michael had stumbled into the bathroom a few minutes prior. She was sitting on the edge of the tub which clearly held her nest within.

“Ella would be very upset with me if any harm befell you,” Michael said solemnly, “Which is the only reason I have not yet drawn my blade - out of respect for her and her wishes.”

Margaret clucked and shifted on her feet, anger clear in every feather. Michael briefly wished that Ella had chosen an apartment with two bathrooms instead of one as he stared down the angry chicken that seemed intent on forcing him out of her space. It was far too early for a battle of wills, in Michael’s opinion. He had hoped to come in for a quick pee and then go back to curl up next to Ella in the warm bed until her alarm went off. Instead, he was now neck deep in a Cold War with a loathsome hen.

“Perhaps you require payment in return for passage?” Michael hummed, feeling a slight surge of victory as Margaret lowered her feathers a bit and seemed intrigued by his words, “I am uncertain as to what a fowl of your type would accept as proper compensation, so if you have any wishes let them be known.”

For a few moments the two stayed silent. Margaret cocked her head to one side and studied Michael carefully. Michael, for his part, tried not to bristle under this chicken’s hostile gaze. It was clear just looking at the creature that this was the product of human domestication and breeding - Michael couldn’t imagine any one of his siblings creating such a menacing _thing_. Finally, Margaret made part of her request.

“Mealworms… A delicacy for you, I presume?” Michael said, “Very well, I shall procure these worms for you at some point today. Will you accept that and allow me passage right now?”

Margaret didn’t respond, seemingly considering Michael’s offer before shaking her head.

“No? You require something else?”

She clucked at him a bit more and Michael frowned. She was certainly domesticated - any animal that spent too long with humans adopted some of their more unsavory traits. Like hedonism and greed, for example. No wonder this plump chicken would demand mealworms from him. And to then ask something else of him - what an insistent little beast. Though, given that it was clear Michael would have to pay up or leave, he acquiesced to her greedy demands with an exasperated sigh.

* * *

“Why are there black feathers in Margaret’s nest?” Ella asked sleepily as she came into the kitchen and went straight for the cup of coffee waiting for her on the countertop.

Michael frowned down into his own cup of coffee, torn between shame and the feeling of a battle well fought. He glanced at the spot on his wings were the small downy feathers had come from and smoothed it down again as Ella got her cup and sat at the table with him.

“That beast drives a hard bargain.”

It was almost worth the small amount of pain and the indignity of having his very own angelic feathers decorating the nest of some chicken when Ella snorted into her coffee and launched into a laughing fit.

* * *

* * *

“Miss Lopez, there is a very fat and annoyed bird in your bathroom,” Lucifer called from down the hallway, “Did you want me to deal with it?”

“Michael, can you go help him?” Ella asked with a grin as she pulled the popcorn out of the microwave, “I’ll stay here to get the door when Amenadiel and Linda show up.”

Chloe was in the small dining room setting the table with the various party snacks Ella had bought. The whole idea had seemed ridiculous to Michael at first - it made sense to hang out at Lucifer’s penthouse given the relative size and decadence of it, but Ella was adamant that she wanted to host her friends at her place. Michael had gotten roped into helping her clean up to prepare for company, and it _had_ been somewhat gratifying to squeeze compliments out of Chloe and Lucifer as they entered the small apartment. But now, it seemed as though Lucifer had come in contact with the most dangerous of the apartment’s three occupants.

Michael nodded to Ella and quickly headed to the bathroom, slightly worried that he was going to find a fried chicken instead of Margaret if he waited too long. Once he got there, he breathed a sigh of relief to see Lucifer simply glaring down at the bathtub’s occupant.

“Michael, were you aware of this horrible creature?”

“That’s Margaret,” he said, stepping closer and slowly tugging Lucifer away. He glared a bit at Lucifer until he calmed down and then turned back to Margaret with a reassuring smile, “Apologies, Margaret.” Lucifer snorted. “This is my brother. Ella and I forgot to warn you that he was coming over with his mate.”

“Mate?” Lucifer spluttered, turning slightly red, “Michael! I didn’t expect such bold choice of phrase-”

Michael rolled his eyes but didn’t move as Margaret clearly glared between the two of them. She was picking out differences, Michael knew. After only a few seconds Margaret huffed and fluffed her feathers up once more. She clucked at Michael in an angry tone.

“Of course,” Michael nodded, turning to Lucifer, “She demands payment for use of this bathroom. And as an apology for startling her and calling her a horrible creature.”

“Wh- Why can you speak chicken?” Lucifer asked, tilting his head to the side with a smile.

“That doesn’t matter, get your wings out.”

“Excuse me? Brother, I have no intentions of getting frisky with a chicken.”

Michael rolled his eyes again and sighed, “No, you- She wants some feathers for _nest materials_. She already has some of mine.” Michael shrugged. “Seems she has turned her beady sights on you now.”

“You bartered with a chicken to use Ella’s bathroom?” Lucifer asked incredulously, “Couldn’t you have just, I don’t know, tossed Margaret out in the hallway? Or outside?”

“Ella would have been very upset if anything happened to Margaret,” Michael explained carefully, staring meaningfully at Lucifer, “And I have no doubt that she would get rid of _either_ of us before she’d get rid of Margaret.”

“Ugh, fine,” Lucifer groaned, “Is she going to harass Chloe if she comes in here?”

Michael leaned out of the way as Lucifer’s wings winched out in the tight space just enough for him to pluck off some of the softer and smaller ones.

“No, Margaret only gets tetchy if another wing-bearing thing enters her domain. Humans are fine.”

“That’s very discriminatory of you, Margaret,” Lucifer informed her as he held the feathers out to her.

Margaret eyed the feathers critically and then stretched her neck out, moving quickly to clutch them in her beak. She stared at Lucifer critically for a few more seconds before hopping down into the tub and carefully beginning to arrange the feathers around her nest. Lucifer stared at her for a bit before turning to Michael.

“Have Amenadiel and Linda arrived yet?”

“Not yet,” Michael said, smiling as Lucifer got a mischievous grin on his face.

“I think Margaret could use some grey feathers in her nest, don’t you?”

Michael snorted and shook his head, stepping out of the bathroom and leaving Lucifer and Margaret by themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> My google search history has been INUNDATED with chicken queries. Lets just pretend that Margaret wants angel feathers to sit her butt on because they are soft and that that’s believable chicken behavior.
> 
> Now that this small crack-ish fic is out of my system I shall go back to actually writing real works for this collection lol. Sorry to anyone that got an alert for this and it wasn't what you expected! I didn't think something like this would come to me either.


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